Thursday, November 29, 2007

Friday Five: Bah Humbug

Parishioners pushing for carols before you digested your turkey?
Organist refusing to play Advent hymns because he/she already has them planned for Lessons & Carols?
Find yourself reading Luke and thinking of a variety of ways to tell Linus where to stick it? (Lights please.)
Then this quick and easy Friday Five is for you! And for those of you with a more positive attitude, have no fear. I am sure more sacred and reverent Friday Fives will follow.

Please tell us your least favorite/most annoying seasonal....
1) dessert/cookie/family food


Anything involving marshmallows and/or coconut. Ambrosia, ewww!

2) beverage (seasonal beer, eggnog w/ way too much egg and not enough nog, etc...)

Well, I've never heard of seasonal beer (What? Is it red or green? Peppermint flavored?), but that would be it. (I am very fond of eggnog, even the really sweet stuff in the carton, and especially the real eggnog that is lovingly made by a psychiatrist I know. It will knock you down if you don't watch out!)


3) tradition (church, family, other)

Caroling. I know that sounds strange, coming from someone who loves to sing. But think about it: you have to march around outside, where it's cold as kraut, and that's not good for your voice anyway--and your poor neighbors have to get up from whatever they were doing, to stand in their open doorway with fixed grins, letting the heat out, as they wait for you to finish. I say, enjoy the Christmas concert and other singing at church, sing at home and in the car if you want to, and be done with it.


4) decoration

There is a neighborhood near here that is known for its elaborate Christmas decorations (and I would hate to live where the Christmas Police monitored my decorating and reprimanded me for not attempting to win what we used to call the Houston Lighting and Power Award). Last year as we slowly drove through that neighborhood (yes, you have to, everyone does), observing the yards in which Mr. and Mrs. Claus, elves, reindeer, gingerbread people, dancing candy canes, and, oh yeah, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph all cavorted together, I snidely remarked, "We've seen everything tonight except for Santa Claus kneeling at the manger." Turned the corner--there it was.


5) gift (received or given)

Toiletries! If I need soap or talcum powder, I'll buy it myself! (And just what are you implying, anyway?)


BONUS: SONG/CD that makes you want to tell the elves where to stick it.

The song than which there is no other...all together now...FELIZ NAVIDAD...FELIZ NAVIDAD...

20 comments:

Diane said...

oh yeah... I have so many kinds of hand and body lotion, I could fill a whole shelf.

great play!

Iris said...

I want some of that eggnog "lovingly made" by a psychiatrist! Good therapy for the holiday blahs!

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

I will eat your ambrosia!!

I laughed at #5. Especially when it is not even the stuff that I use.

Sally said...

lol- seasonal beer- really? We must be missing out over here!!!!

Songbird said...

We are LOLing at #4!!!

Mrs. M said...

I've always wanted to drive around the really tacky yards an anonymously give a pink flamingo wearing a blue ribbon to the most hideous.

Deb said...

ROFL on the toiletries... when I was a teacher, I used to get a "bath set" every year from one family... who most desperately needed to use it themselves. Became a standing joke.

And I forgot about "Fleas Drive a LOT..."

D

DogBlogger said...

I love Mrs. M's idea! Oh, and thanks for the thought-provoking take on caroling, Zorra. I haven't had to do it for several years now, but I'll think twice next time I'm asked!

RevDrKate said...

Great answers. Does your psychiatrist friend ship? We cannot get good eggnog to save ourselves out here in the hinters! And a stealth mission to blue-ribbon flamingo bad decs followed by an egg-nog feast sounds like just the thing for a cold December night!

chartreuseova said...

Caroling is only good at a nursing home or for shut-ins...and even then only when you have lots of young children along. Because then it's sweet and cute. Otherwise, I want to keep my off-key rendition of Feliz Navidad to myself...

will smama said...

ICH! on ambrosia - what a HORRID combination of textures and good call on the song.

Hate. It.

Mary Beth said...

Yeah, caroling is the bane of many a choir director (which I am not one, but have been fussed at by several for doing it!) Just when you have a zillion gigs, all your singers go out and strip their voices raw and get sick, to boot.

And, I know that neigborhood in Houston. Argh.

cheesehead said...

AAARGGGHHH! Sana kneeling at the manger. Now I need brain bleach. Thanks a lot! :)

LutheranChik said...

Oh, we see Santa kneeling at the manger (accompanied by an assortment of elves, candy canes, reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Driver 8 silhouette cutouts, etc.) here around Outer Podunk all the time. Such kitsch-o-ramas put me in mind of that famous catechetical question, "What does this mean?"

Hedwyg said...

Yeah, I'm with you on the decorations. I enjoy seeing lights and decorations... that have a plan and a theme and an aesthetic. But having all that crap just thrown out on the lawn... bleah.

Great play!
Hedwyg

Jan said...

Those decorations are here, but then you also live in Texas, like me! Hey, you like eggnog!

Singing Owl said...

Pink flamingo award? LOL! And I'll eat whatever ambrosia P of E leaves.

Cold as kraut???

That IS cold.

mompriest said...

Santa...kneeling...at a manger...sigh.

RevAnne said...

I wanna weesh you a Merry Christmas....thanks for reminding me. No wait, no thanks...
Great play!

Wayne Stratz said...

may you be blessed with all of this and even more. tis the season after all.